From a different view
by pizzlie
Summary: So, I'm trying my hand at something new. This is my take on Divergent, from Tobias's point of view. I have no claim on Divergent or Veronica Roth's writing, nor am I making any money off of it. Each chapter is a different scene. R&R.
1. First Jumper

AN: The book is Divergent (obviously), by Veronica Roth. Any similarities to scene in the book are completely intentional, I'm trying my own hand at some scenes from Tobias's view. I'm not trying to be Veronica, or write the same way and with the same caliber, and I'm definitely not making any money. Anyways, scene one: First jumper.

Supervising the net, that was the first duty of the trainers. It was the net, the tour, the barracks, the training, the judging, the administering, the watching. Then I was done, out of here. The place hadn't given me any more courage the what I had started out with, and Eric was watching closer each day. I had worked with the computers long enough to try cracking the gate, I knew the codes. If not, well factionless were better than Eric. The net was possibly the easiest job, just wait until one of the initiates finally would muster up the courage to jump, then the rest would follow in order to not look weak. Still, waiting. And then, suddenly...

"Omph!" The undignified sound came from the girl that had just fallen into the net. Strange, most years it took far longer for someone to jump. This one must have been pressured in, either that or they were the perfect initiate. But one look showed me that she had never fought a day in her life, and that she was wearing the clothes of Abnegation, so pressured it was. But although I never associate with stiffs, she made the bone-headed move of trying to roll off, almost face-planting herself onto the ground before I caught her. I stare at her, she has medium length blond hair, pulled into a tight bun, a style I used to see everywhere. She has grey eyes, a little far apart when I am seeing her from this close, and her nose was also a little big, but she wasn't ugly, just plain. Just then a voice came from behind me.

"Can't believe it. A stiff, the first jumper? Unheard of." That set me off, I had been an Abnegation once, and if Lauren didn't think I was brave, then she respected nobody. Lauren and I had trained together, and she knew what I was capable of. The new girl obviously didn't come prepared, and probably wasn't running from the same thing I had ran from, but... Benefit of the doubt.

"There's a reason she left them, Lauren." I turn to the new girl, "What's your name."

"Um..." Of course. I've already started thinking of her as, 'new girl,' why not a little longer. She definitely hadn't given this any thought, being Dauntless, and this waiting wasn't any better than waiting by the net.

"Think about it, you don't get to pick again," I said.

"Tris."

"Tris," Lauren repeats, grinning. "Make the announcement, Four."

I look over my shoulder to the waiting Dauntless. "First jumper- Tris!"


	2. Tour

2. Tour

Next was the tour, after all of the initiates had since fallen, jumped, pushed, whatever it took to get them down. Most were Dauntless-born, but there were a few kids in blue, a little bit more that were dressed in black and white, and no red or yellow to be seen. Just what I would've bet on. Except her. I can't help it, my eyes keep going back to her. She's from Abnegation, she was the first jumper, and she calls herself Tris. That's all I know about her. She must be brave to have jumped... I can't stop myself from speculating. I go about the tour in a daze, I know the lines from heart so I barely hear me and Lauren talking. That is until another girl speaks up.

"Four? Like the number?" The question came from a caramel skinned girl, tall but thin, and wearing Candor clothing. Of course, a smart-aleck that hasn't learned to shut up yet. She was standing close to Tris, but I was too annoyed by this girl's interruption to sneak any glances.

"Yes," I say, "Is there a problem?"

"No." _Good, she better start learning her place_. I turned my head away, distracted from my distraction, and continued with the tour. Until...

"The Pit? Clever name," the girl snickers. I walk up to her, and lean my face close. _She's messing me up, the Candor._

"What's your name?" I ask, quietly, controlled.

"Christina."

"Well, Christina," I say, "If I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would've joined their faction. The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got it?" She nods, because sometimes intimidation pays off. And then Christina mumbles something to Tris, who says something else back, and my fascination is back full-force. I open the doors and introduce the pit, _You're almost at the end of this tour, Four. You can finish it_.

"If you follow me, I'll show you the chasm." I lead them around the now-familiar sight, and turn around to face them again. "The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy," I yell over the noise. "A daredevil jump of this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again." I'm watching her expression again, and she flinches. I will learn why she's here. "You've been warned." As we move away the girls are whispering to themselves again.

**That's it for the tour, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, because I'm not so proud of this one.**


	3. First Dinner

3. Dinner

At the end of the tour, it's dinner time. The girl, Christina, sits next to me, but leaves space for Tris to sit in between us. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, yet. As I continue my observations of this strange girl, I notice her staring at the food, and pinch it between her fingers. That's right, I remember how strange the food seemed to me on the first day. I don't know why, but I find myself nudging her with my elbow. She looks up, startled, and I say, "It's beef." I search and quickly find some ketchup. "Here, put this on it." But, of course, she doesn't know what ketchup is either, and she stares blankly at both food items_. Benefit of the doubt, Four,_ I tell myself. _You can help her adjust, just a little. An Abnegation turned Dauntless, that's strange. You know, you definitely are. So, help her._

" You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina. Of course, I don't need to help Tris, she's already got her own busy-body to learn the ropes with. I don't need to help her, she's not like me, not on her own._ Plus, Eric will use her to get to me if he notices, so I can't be friendly, and I can't help her._ Tris is still staring at the hamburger.

"No, is that what it's called?"

"Stiff's eat plain food," I explain.

"Why?"

"Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary," Tris shrugs. She says the line like she's said it many times before, not like she either believes it or disbelieves it. Christina, on the other hand smirks, not hearing the selflessness that's so clear to me.

"No wonder why you left," She says.

"Yeah," Tris rolls her eyes. "It was just because of the food." I can't help the small grin, but the wheels in my head are turning. What did she mean by 'just'? She had to have another reason, then. Suddenly, the cafeteria doors open, and someone walks in.

"Who's that," Christina hisses.

"His name is Eric," I say. _Eric. See, this is the reason why you can't get attached to the girl, to Tris. He'll sniff it out, destroy her. He's already watching, all he needs is a reason to snap down on either of us, and he can do so many things to ruin everything I've made for myself here_. "He's a Dauntless leader."

"Seriously? But he's so young." I give her a grave look, and it's just as much of a warning for her as it is for me, and for Tris.

"Age doesn't matter here." I can tell that she's going to ask more, but Eric catches sight of me and starts towards us. He sits on my other side and orders me to introduce him, so I quickly show him Tris and Christina._ Don't look at them too long_. If he saw anything in them, I wouldn't know what to do. But no one can miss the gray plainclothes that Tris's wearing.

"Ooh, a Stiff," He jeers at her. "We'll see how long you last." She opens her mouth, perhaps to say something back, and all I can think is_, Please, please, don't talk back. Don't catch his attention. Don't give him a reason._ And, then, unbenounced,_ I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if that happened._

"What have you been doing lately, Four." I smooth my expression, and turn to answer Eric.

"Nothing, really." I can see Tris's eyes flit between Eric and me, and it takes a lot of willpower to stop myself from looking over to see why. I'm tense, withdrawn. Today I have another secret to hide from Eric than my usual one, and he isn't allowed to find this one out either.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He requested that I find out what's going on with you." So that's why he's here, not for Max, but for Eric's own selfishness for power and curiosity of who his opponents are. I work on placating him.

"Tell him that I am satisfied with the position that I currently hold."

"So he wants to give you a job."_ Dammit Four, you're giving too much away._

"So it would seem."

"And you aren't interested." This is a demand, not a question, but I pretend I don't hear that and treat it as such.

"I haven't been interested for two years." That's when I was initiate myself, along with Eric, and chose my own job. That should reassure him, but I know it won't.

"Well," Eric says as he gets up and claps my shoulder just a little too hard. "Let's hope he gets the point, then."_ Let's hope_. I watch him walk away, knowing my position. And yet, I don't feel like I want to leave here anymore, even though Eric is on the warpath.

"Are you two... Friends?" She's so tentative in her asking that I know it's not the Candor._ Benefit of the doubt._

"We were in the same initiate class," I say. "He was a transfer from Erudite." I don't know why, but I feel as though I should make that known to her.

"Were you a transfer too?" Her timidness has almost left her voice. Obviously, because of her curiosity, she had some trouble with Abnegation values. Interesting.

"I thought that I would only have to deal with the Candor asking too many questions," I put venom into my voice. "Now I've got Stiffs, too?"

"It must be because you're so approachable," She says, all timidness completely gone, her voice flat. "You know. Like a bed of nails." I stare at her, and she stares back. _Who is she. I_ need_ to find out._ Her glare is defiant, strong. She is... Brave.

"Careful, Tris," I warn. Her defiance won't help her here, even though it is the only place where it should. Her cheeks warm as she considers her actions, and she breaks eye contact.

I'm still marveling over her when someone calls my name. It's Ralph, one of my friends from work. We talk the rest of dinner, and I only glance over to look at the two girls next to me a couple times. After dinner I disappear without another word to either of them. I can't help but feel like I'm running. But why. I disappear into my apartment, and have to hound sleep. And then, even when I do catch it, my dream is full with a pair of gray eyes, flashing with courage and another, strange emotion.

**That's it for chapter 3. I have to say, I actually like this one. It tied up nicely. The next chapter was originally going to be the scene in the barracks where they're given the Dauntless rules, but then I realized Four isn't in it, so he can't have a perspective. So, chapter four is now the gun scene. Also, for anyone who thinks that Tobias's emotions towards Tris are too far progressed because he just met her, Veronica Roth says that he already knows he's infatuated with her by the knife scene, which isn't long after the they first meet. So, I'm playing up his obsession and making that lead into his infatuation. Anyways, R&R. I love comments, even if they're constructive!**


	4. Guns

4. Guns

I wake up early the next morning, splash water on my face, before deciding to just take a shower. It's time to train the initiates, and back to business. Whatever happened last afternoon, I have to put that behind me. I don't have to wait long before the initiates show up.

"The first thing you will learn today is how how to shoot a gun. The second is how to win a fight." I press a gun into the palms of each kid before continuing. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that." I'm running on far less than a full night's sleep, so I'm emotionless towards the kids in their line.

"Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it's possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time." They're staring at the guns in their hands, of course they've never seen one from up close, being transfers.

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," I continue. "Therefore, each stage of initiation is intended to prepare in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental." A boy who stands in front of the room yawns and stretches tiredly.

"But what," he says through his yawns, "Does firing a gun have to do with bravery?" I flip the gun in my hand hand and press the barrel into the ignorant head of the insolent boy.

"Wake up," I bark. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." I lower the gun, and the boy's eyes harden immediately. Sometimes it's good to have a healthy grudge, this boy might need it. He almost speaks, and in that I can tell he came from Candor, but he manages to hold it in._ At least he learns faster than Christina_. "And to answer your question... You are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." I've walked to the end of the row by now, and I turn on my heel to make eye contact again. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me."

I face the wall of targets and stand, feet apart, gun in both hands, and fire. I time my breathing with the bullet. I don't need to look to know my aim was dead-on. Some of the kids start to turn to their targets. After a while, when it's clear I'm done talking, the rest pick up their guns, too. After another awkward minute the guns are shooting freely. Most go wide, and almost all hits are accidental. There are a few good kids. Edward is one, he looks as if he's been training. Because of him being a transfer, I wonder how he managed that. The ignorant boy from earlier also gets some good shots in. I'm thinking probability, capture the flag teams, when a completely different thought interrupts:_ I wonder how she's doing_.

_Stop being weird,_ I think. _She's just an initiate, and you're training her. You need to see how she works, if she should be on your team. It's not obsession, it's work. She was out of your head by this morning at the latest, now you just need to see her work_. But no matter how much I reassured myself, I couldn't look away after a few seconds. She was squinting, and concentrating. She was serious, copying my stance exactly, but she was handling the gun wrong, so she missed over and over. I wished to go over and correct her, but I didn't know if I could control myself if I got that close to her again. _Because I'm not obsessed, but I would be again, if I'm not careful._ Wait a second..._ I couldn't be_ again_, because I never was! And... you're arguing with your self-conscious, good luck._ I watch as the boy practicing next to her stops, but only to look at her with amusement. He says something to her, and it makes him grin and her scowl. I catch myself and start to turn away when, all the sudden, her bullet actually catches the target_. I wonder what she corrected, and how she got it right. Would she be able to correct her technique enough that she would capable soon? Would she be able to do it by Thursday?_ Suddenly, air hisses from in between my clenched teeth, and my fists tighten. She's talking back, and smiling. When_ I_ spoke to her sharply, the most _I_ got was insults. I grab the gun of Al, who is built sturdy but can't aim for his life. I shoot a few rounds, dead-on, as normal. Who am I to care about who she flirts with. I take away the gun of another initiate, Myra.

"It's not amateur hour, girl. If you want to be Dauntless, the the gun is not a delicate flower, it's a weapon, so hold it like one!" I thrust it back into her arms, and stand there tapping my foot until she, shakily, pulls the trigger hard enough to actually shoot the gun._ But of course she's not flirting, is she?_ Stop it_. She's Abnegation, she doesn't even know what she's doing._ Stop it!_ She doesn't know what that boy is probably thinking._ "STOP, lunch break!" And then I run away, for the second time in less then twenty-four hours, and the same exact reason.

**Before someone gets mad at me, I know Will wasn't doing any harm, but hey, jealousy warps the brain. Just accept it, Tobias, the sooner the better. New update soon. Not to jinx it, but I seem to be updating daily so far, so that's awesome.**


	5. Fight Practice

5. Fight Practice

After lunch- and after I've cleared my head- I lead the kids to fighting room. It is sometimes used as a dare, or the occasional few needing to duke it out, but it only has one official purpose, and that is to teach the initiates how to fight. On the chalkboard at the back I've taken my time to write out all of their names in alphabetical order. Eric thinks the job is beneath him, and Lauren refuses to do any more work then she's assigned to or dared to do. I don't know everyones' names yet, but by the end of the day tomorrow I will. The transfers line up behind the punching bags- that I also had to tie up- and I stand in the middle of the room, over the fighting ring.

"As I said this morning," I start, "Next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless. We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other, so I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt."

I demonstrate a few simple kicks and easy punches. As they start to turn to their punching bags, I demonstrate a few more complex maneuvers, for the overachievers still watching._ She's doing the same thing from earlier, perfecting the stance before she does anything. Her punches are adequate, her kicks not even close_. Al is less technique, more brawn. Eric seems to approve. Edward is amazingly good for his first day, so I would guess that it wasn't his first day of fight practice. Myra is same as earlier, she'll most likely be cut at the end of the stage._ She's staring back. Of course she is, you stopped right in front of her and your eyes are probably everywhere_.

"You don't have much muscle," I say. "That means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them." I don't know what possessed me, but I press a hand to her stomach. The heel of my hand touches one side of her rib cage, my finger tips touch the other. _She's so... small. Breakable. Not stiff, I can feel her breaths, so short and quick. Her eyes are wide, staring into mine. I can imagine how her heartbeat would feel, probably beating like crazy. It's from adrenaline and exertion. I wish it wasn't though. I want to have this effect on her. And I want to be the cause of her fear, see how long it would take to break her, because she's so..._ My hand flexes slightly, and feels again just how small and frail she is._ ... Breakable_. "Never forget to keep tension here," I say quietly. I lift my hand and walk away, because I didn't trust myself around her, and I still don't. That was a mistake. But my hand is tingling and my head is spinning and my stomach is flipping and I'm in a fog, so I just stand in the corner and not even pretend to watch the others.

I watch her take a few breaths and close her eyes before returning to her punching bag. It takes me a minute, but when I'm finally conscious of the other initiates, then I return to my job. But my head's still spinning so time passes far too quickly, and I end up dismissing them late for dinner. It seems I need to keep leaving, to keep myself in check, but this time I can't walk away so fast. So I hide, follow her. She's with Christina, Al, and the boy who flirted with her earlier. I fight back the jealousy- _yes, I can finally acknowledge that is jealousy_- and listen. I'm sure some would call it stalking, but I can't help it, even though I know that doesn't justify it. Al wants to get a tattoo, Will makes fun of him. Christina nudges her with her elbow, and leans in to say something. I strain my ears, read her lips, and fill in the gaps with common sense. I need to hear it, somehow I know that it will be about me.

"I'm surprised he didn't break you in half," Christina says. "He scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses." _At least I got a reaction out of somebody_. Hmm, I never even thought how it looked to all the others. Suddenly, I am stricken. _What did Eric think. Foolish, foolish, you can't just... do whatever you did, not without expecting a response._ I just thought the only response would be from her. Now I need to know what she says back, but my internal conversation blocked the first half of it, so I was surprised to see her looking at me while she talked._ At least she didn't see you watching, but how did she even know you were there? You're just being all kinds of foolish today, aren't you._

"...definitely intimidating," She finishes. I can only guess it's about me, but I could be anything. She could be talking about training, Eric, another initiate, or even the Dauntless in general, and suddenly I'm cursing myself. But I get no second chances to guess, because the girls join the boys' conversation about tattoos, and I'm too late. They jokingly make fun of how she looks and I grit my teeth. Then the flirting boy jokes about her getting her nipple pierced and suddenly my cheeks are red, and not just from anger. I wonder if I've been following her too long, if someone else will notice me and make a ruckus out of it, but the girls make the decision for me. They go clothes shopping, and I'm not a peeping tom, just a stalker, apparently. I stop following, watch Christina drag Tris into a clothing store, the boys enter the tattoo parlor, and then, slowly, turn around. When I'm back at my apartment I look at my hand, the one I held her with. It's strange, but I can still feel her sharp, little breaths.

**Thank you, Tobias for being so cooperative this chapter, it was greatly appreciated. Also, thank you to the people who've reviewed, when you did you made my day.**


	6. First Fights

6. First Fights

"Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," I say. I personally assigned the names I knew together to see how they would fare. The names I didn't know I paired together, so I could finish matching names to faces. But Tris, I saw how inexperienced she was at fighting, and the only I want to see her limit in is her fears, so today she wasn't going to be fighting. I give her a look, try to warn her she need to train, but she doesn't see it. She never sees it. _Well, duh, she's not a mind-reader._ But she still relaxes, so I know that she had hoped to be the odd-one-out, in this case.

She and Christina are whispering again, and Christina keeps accidentally nudging her where I know- from experience- her muscles are sore. I wince along with Tris. Christina gestures to the list, and then the girls look at Molly, so I know they must be talking about Christina's fight. The first to fight are Al and Will. Will is the flirting boy from before, and I know who he is today because I went obsessive over it yesterday, obsessive enough to go find out the answer myself. _He's from Erudite, which makes sense, because of course his old faction is out to get Tris's old faction, my and Tris's old faction. And of course his old faction is a corrupted system trying to overthrow the government. But, I digress_. Setting Al against him, that was just a little payback. The boy never got any technique, but he doesn't really need any to pound Will.

The two of them stand uncertainly cross from each other in the arena._ They put their hands up by their faces and shuffle in a circle around each other, just like I taught them_. I smile when I see that, up close, Will looks like a dwarf next to Al's giant. Al gets a good punch in, and Eric smirks on approvingly. _Eric is a sadist, but I can't really say anything without being hypocritical, I set this match up so I could see this exact outcome._ Will stumbles to the side, a hand pressed against his face, and blocks Al with his free hand. That was a bad move, blocking it is just as painful as taking it, just the pain is in a different location. Will hooks a foot around a leg and yanks it, to knock Al down. Al scrambles back up, and the two face each other again. They glance at me, but this isn't a fight I'm inclined to stop. That is, if I was even allowed to stop it. I glance at Eric, and at the same time he yells at the boys.

"Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break into nap-time? Fight each other!"

"But," Al straightens up, confused, "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"

"It ends," Eric yells, "When one of you is unable to continue."

"According to Dauntless rules," I say, "One of you could also concede." Eric narrows his eyes.

"According to the_ old_ rules," he says. "In the _new_ rules, no one concedes." I know what he means, but if he want to warn me then he's sending the wrong message. He won't give in to me, I won't give in to him, and one of us will have to win sometime. I'm confident I can do it, but I can't afford to get cocky.

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others.

"A brave man never surrenders." We stare at each other for a few seconds, he dare me to do anything, I dare him to push me into doing anything. But as much as I wish I could put him in his place, show these kids what it used to mean, being Dauntless, he is in charge. He could throw me in prison, or I could just disappear one day. So, for now I wait. I'm snapped out of it by Al, awkward, bumbling Al. He can't stop fidgeting, and he's sweating up a storm. So I break eye-contact, and turn back to the boys in the ring. I nod at them to start up again. But Al has a different idea again.

"This is ridiculous," he says, shaking his head. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"

"Oh, you think it's going to be that easy," He says with a grin, and I can't help but admire his simple bravery, even though the jealousy is still there, barely buried. "Go on. Try to hit me, slow-poke." He puts his hands up again, and he's got some new-found determination in his eye. _But if Al gets in another good shot, he'll be out cold_. But when they go back to fighting, Will doesn't let Al get a good punch in, he ducks and swerves. Eric can curl his lip up in disgust and mock the cowardice, but I enjoy how Will turned the fight from a strength test to a strategy game. Still, it is brute force at the end that will win this, and Al lurches forward, turns, and catches Will's arm. He punches him right on the jaw, lots of power, and it's the good shot that we've been waiting for. Will falls on the ground, knocked out.

Al's eyes widen, and he crouches next to his friend, slightly disbelieving, tapping his cheek to see if Will might stir. It is a few seconds before he does.

"Get him up," Eric says, and he stares with greedy eyes at Will, fallen, and Al, the victor. I turn to the chalkboard and circle Al's name. Eric calls Molly and Christina while I help Will up and out of the room. Later I hear about the commotion with Christina conceding, and how Al and Tris helped. I'm equally torn between loving her selflessness to help her friend and her bravery, or cursing her being a subject of Eric's attention, again, so I do both.

**Yea, chapter 6 done! Four was helping Will, so he missed the whole Christina scene, and in my head he heard about it from Eric, who was probably ranting about, "That loud mouth, the stiff, and the bone-head," (Christina, Tris, and Al).**


	7. Tris's First Fight

7. Tris's fight

I'm staring in horror at the chalkboard. Last night I meticulously wrote out the fight schedule. I purposely paired Tris with Will, he would still be sore and he wasn't the best fighter to begin with. I was sure that she wouldn't get badly hurt, might even win, but_.._.Eric.

This morning Eric came up to me at breakfast, smirking like the lunatic he is. He said something about making better pairings for today, I wasn't paying attention. But now it's clear, he rearranged my schedule. And Tris, I worked so hard to make her safe without Eric knowing, but he must know because... I swallow down my fear. _He paired her with Peter. The bastard._ And she probably thinks that I did this. _Ah, everything's going wrong._

Christina's saying something, waving her arms about wildly, and probably yelling encouragements. Al is quietly giving her his advice-_ I'm guessing that's what he's saying._ Will has a hand on her shoulder, and just looks pale. Then again, he's looked pale since last afternoon._ She looks pale, too, but her ears are bright red._ It's a sign of anger, She must be mad at me- for pairing her up with Peter- but I see the look she gives her friends when they turn around. I wonder how they've bothered her so much_._ She stands in the corner with her friends, and even though they keep up a continuing stream of chatter, I can tell she isn't listening. Her eyes are distant.

Molly falls, like the trunk of a huge tree. _We know the answer to that question at least. If a tree falls in the forest then yes, yes it is heard._ God, I'm so nervous. Why, why do I need to be. Why? And she's next. Why couldn't it have lasted longer. Why couldn't Molly have waited, held on longer? _Gah._

She up in the ring now. Peter's there too. He's so much taller than her.._. Her stance is awkward, she's shaking slightly.._

"You okay, Stiff," He taunts, "You look like you're about to cry." _No she doesn't she looks brave, frightened but ready to fight, so brave._ "I might go easy on you if you cry." Peter's red. Everything's red. My face is burning, my ears are hot. They're circling each other, then they're fighting. _She's struggling, trying to stay on her feet_. Eric is tapping his foot next to me and I have no more patience, it's annoying me to death.

Obviously this place is scrambling my brain. I need to get out of here.

**Forgive Four, his head is scrambled and he's having a rough moment. I feel bad for him. That's why this isn't long or observant, *cough* I'm not blaming anything else for my work *cough* Shh *cough***


	8. The Fence

8. The Fence

We're taking the first field trip that the initiates ever have. It's to the fence, when Eric gets his chance to intimidate the kids. Which is exactly what everyone expects from Eric. I would bet on him doing it, but no one else is stupid enough to vote the other way. Also, Eric bailed last minute. So it's just me and the kids.

I stand in front of everyone, but not facing them. I'm facing the train tracks, where the train is expect in a matter of minutes. But I step back to let others in first. Just before Will hops up, Tris and Christina arrive. They're running, out of breath, and finishing up their breakfast. Will asks where they've been, and Christina makes fun of Tris's slowness. Who wouldn't be, after yesterday? But that's a sore subject, so... After Will, I jump up and slide effortlessly into the car. Al helps Tris, by grabbing her and pulling her in. _The oaf doesn't know how much that must have hurt. Nothing against him, but..._ I want a ride in silence, all I want. But Peter had to open his big mouth.

"Feeling okay there? Or are you a little... Stiff?" He bursts into laughter at his little joke. I didn't think I could ever be more angry at him than yesterday, and I know that I'm not (because I can still see straight), but this body lives for the present. This species, humans, Dauntless live for the present. And in the present I close my eyes and tighten my jaw.

"We are all awed by your wit," Will exercises his sarcasm.

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite," Christina adds her voice to the conversation. "I hear they don't object to sissies." _And wouldn't we all like to see the back end of you._

"Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?" There were many different reasons, but the main ones were that I couldn't hear anything against Tris- especially by him-, if I cut him off now then Will and Christina win by default, and I really did want silence. But it works, they go silent, and I turn back to the opening of the car. I lean out, so I'm all outside the car except for where my feet are firmly planted. The wind pushes my shirt into my chest. It is here and now that I am untethered. Nothing to hold me down but myself. Myself and... Her voice filters through the rushing of the wind. I hear Christina too, now that I'm listening. They both sound happy. I guess that's all I want.

The train stops under an awning and hop out. "Follow me," I yell back at the kids, and lead them to the gate without looking back. I'm still not ready to give up my moments of weightlessness.

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here. Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much." _Just like the rankings during initiation._ "You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity farms, but-"

"Patrols for what purpose?" That was Will. Erudite raising shining through. I feel a twinge in my stomach. Why couldn't they just let me go on with the monologue, less energy needed, more time to allow me to wake up. I lift a shoulder.

"I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them. As I was saying, for the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist it isn't as bad as it seems."

"Yeah. At least we won't be driving buses or cleaning up other people's messes like the factionless." That one was Christina.

"What rank were you." Peter. I look straight at him

"I was first."

"And you chose to do _this_?" Peter looks at me with wide eyes, wide and round. They're green. It's not a redeeming quality, seeing him as a human. It's just another fact to make note of, he has green eyes. "Why didn't you get a military job." _Because if someone found out I was Divergent then they would slit my throat and then dispose of the body in the Pit._

"I didn't want one."

The Amity pull up, and start unloading. They're just doing their job, but one of them stops. "Beatrice?" Her head jerks up, and even though I'm cataloging the information in my head, Tris is short for Beatrice, it still stings that he knows things that I don't. He must've known from before, been in Abnegation. He could have been her neighbor, her friend, more than that. And he talks like he knows her, cares. He hops down from the truck. He's wearing a gray t-shirt and jeans, so casual. His yellow jacket is tied around his waist. He was smiling, but it fades as he sees her state of being. He walks straight toward her, and, without hesitation folds her small body into his. I stiffen, she stiffens.

"Beatrice, what happened to you?" He pushes the hair out of her eyes, something in me twists painfully. "What happened to your face?"

"Nothing," she says, "Just training. Nothing."_ Anyone can see that it's not nothing. She's so brave, but it's not nothing, and how dare he take that for an answer. If he cares for her in any way.._.I swallow and take a breath..._ If he cares then he'll see she's not okay, and he'll tell her that she's not._ But he just takes her answer and lets it go. The same thing I would do, but for some reason I'm angry, angry that he won't point out her injuries and care for her._ But you'll be angry if he does care, so what's the point of acknowledging the emotion, it's going to show up no matter what._

"Beatrice?" It's Molly. I didn't know something that gets to me so much could calm me down. She is still Tris, the transfer from Abnegation, mocked, wounded, and brave. And he is Amity, so they may never see each other again. This is their impromptu goodbye.

Tris- Beatrice- turns. "What did you _think_ Tris was short for?"

"Oh, I don't know... Weakling." She snorts, and laughs her nasal laugh. She then touches her chin, before continuing. "Oh wait, _that _doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."

The boy says something softly, peacefully. He's trying to calm Molly. I don't think it's possible. He must've introduced himself as well, because Molly snaps back at him.

"Someone who doesn't care what your name is. Why don't you get back in your truck. We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."

"Why don't you get away from us," Tris snaps back. Something in me seems to snap, too. So she cares for him.

"Right," Molly replies, "Wouldn't want to get in between you and your boyfriend." It seems to drive the stake home. It's so obvious, they probably were just that. And in Amity, touching is allowed, so his hand on her shoulder, it could mean so much more. I want to push it off her. He gives Tris a sad look.

"They don't seem like nice people."

"Some of them aren't " _Ouch_. She might not be talking about me, but why wouldn't she. I haven't been nice to her, although it doesn't mean I don't want to be.

"You could go home, you know. I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception for you." It's the wrong thing to say, her cheeks go red and I know, right then, that she does want to be Dauntless. Not whatever faction he's in, or they were in together. Dauntless.

"This is what I chose. This is it." A guard from the fence comes up to me. She asks about how much that the initiates are allowed to see, because they're about to conduct a test that involves revealing the outside for an extended period of time. I agreed with her, we need to leave soon. I turn around to see the boy hop up onto the back of the truck, and the Amity drive away. I walk over to her.

"I'm worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions," I say as soon as she can hear me. She crosses her arms and scowls at me.

"It was a two minute conversation."

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." _Not just for you, any boy I see talking to you like that, they might have a rough day, or week_. I furrow my eyebrows, just thinking about that makes me angry. I try talking about the fights with her, to distract myself. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better." Not the best topic,_ especially watching the expressions of her bruised face_. I brush my fingertips over a bruised eye. She jerks back, but instead of pulling my hand away I tilt my head and sigh.

"Attack first? How will that help?"

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." I shrug. _What am I doing?_ I pull my hand away.

"I'm surprised you know that." she says quietly. "Since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch." I'm surprised when I hear my actual emotions in the response. She starts, surprised by it. I can see her confusion written over her face, but she doesn't say anything. I clear my throat, trying to dispel some of the tension. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris." I turn around and walk away.

**Aww... Tobias is jealous again. Don't you think he acts so cute and flustered when he sees Tris with another guy? Sorry for the delay, I could have ****_sworn_**** I had this up last night, but I must've imagined it. Also, this chapter is loooong. Or, at least, took that long to write.**


	9. Capture the Flag, part One

9. Capture the Flag part One

We're waking up all the initiates, both the Dauntless-born and transfers. Eric is snapping at all of them to get up, and get ready. He takes this far too seriously. We hustle them all out of bed and Eric gives them five minutes to get to the train tracks. When they get there Eric yells at them to get a gun, we've laid out the paintball supplies. Most people forge ahead, getting the ammo in and lining up, but Tris, Will, and Christina stop to speculate about the paint balls. Will is curious, Christina has an opinion, Tris has no idea what they might be. It's a very normal situation.

"Time estimate?" Eric asks me. _Time to get a watch_, I think as I check my own.

"Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" He shoves my shoulder. He doesn't know how close he was to me dropping out, see if he would have to _inconvenience_ himself and memorize the schedule then. I smile. The thought of hindering Eric is good, but it's nice to admit to myself that I have a reason for staying. I sneak a look at her.

The train comes, and I'm the first on. I turn back to help them, and she's looking at me. I swallow, and reach my arm out to help her get in. She's staring at my arm, and I feel self-conscious enough to turn away and help the other in. She sits on the other side of the car. Once everyone is in, I address them.

"We'll be dividing into teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. The second team will go off and do the same." The car sways, and I grab a railing for balance. "This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously."

"What do we get if we win?" Someone from the back of the car shouts.

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask." I raise an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course." _Eric would probably say something like, 'the glory of winning and destroying your opponents.'_

"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric says instead. He looks at me,  
Let's divide up transfer first, shall we?" She tilts her head back, subtly to anyone not as attuned to her as I am. She thinks she will be picked last. _Hah_. Even if I didn't want her close to me, she's part of my strategy. I let Eric pick first, and he takes Edward. I lean against the doorway and nod at him, Edward would be a good choice, but he doesn't go with my strategy so I'll leave him behind.

"I want the Stiff." The people in the car titter, people are laughing. Her cheeks are red, she's surprised. I kind of like how she looks when her cheeks are red. She's staring at me, confused. Her eyes are unguarded, so shocked, confused,... Hopeful? Is that what it is?

Eric's smirking again. "Got something to prove? Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose you have someone to blame it on?"

I can't exactly give myself away, about her or the strategy, so I shrug. "Something like that." The hopefulness in her eyes go away, she's guarded again. She scowls at her hands and refuses to look at me. "Your turn, I say to Eric."

"Peter."

"Christina."

"Molly."

"Will."

"Al."

"Drew."

"Last one left is Myra. So she's with me. Dauntless-born initiates next," Eric says. He fell for it completely. As we go through the Dauntless-born he continues to fall for the trap, and I have all the fast kids. Suddenly, I see Tris. She's got a hand over her mouth, concealing a small smile. Eric smirks at me too, but it's Tris that makes me feel confident right now, not Eric's brute but slow group.

"Your team can go off second," He says. I'm still smiling.

"Don't do me any favors. You know I don't need them to win." My smile is huge, but I can't get rid of it. And what's better, I don't want it gone. It doesn't feel like something's wrong with me, for once. No father who hates me, no barely fitting in and hiding myself from my own factions. I'm Four, Tobias. Eric says something degrading, I'm not listening. It's time to go, we get up and get ready to jump.

My smile fades, Tris is giving Al a sad smile._ Stop it, Four_._ It's just because they're friends on different teams._ Someone shoves her, almost pushes her off. _Someone has to ruin my mood,_ I think. When we get close enough she jumps before anyone tries anything again.

Marlene touches my shoulder. "When your team won, where did you put the flag?"

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," I say.

"Come on, Four, She whines, and smiles at me. Her hand brushes against my arm, lingering. I turn my head fractionally, towards Tris. She's not looking at my face, but my arm where Marlene's hand rests. But instead of the response I would like, maybe another red face, or scowling, she's smiling. She looks as if she's fighting off laughter again. I feel a twinge in my gut, and shake Marlene off. Marlene pouts, but half-heartedly.

"Navy Pier," Uriah calls out. "My brother-" _Zeke_- "was on the winning team. They kept their flag at the carousel."

"Let's go there, then," Will suggests. No one says any different, and we troop in that directions. Will and Christina walk very close, bumping shoulders and talking quietly, too quiet to be overheard over the rest of the ruckus we're making. Will has a wistful look on his face for a moment, but it disappears quickly. I can't help but remember my suspicions about him and Tris earlier, and how wrong they seem now. I can't help but feel happy for that. After some time Marlene takes out a flashlight, to scan the street in front of us.

"Scared of the dark, Mar." Uriah taunts.

"If you want to step on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest," She replies. but she also turns off the flashlight. The buildings get smaller and gradually aren't there anymore when we reach the marsh. In the middle of the marsh is an old carnival, with a Ferris wheel, carousel, and some other rides. But all of it is in disrepair, rusted and falling apart at the hinges.

"Think about it. People used to ride that thing. For _fun_," Says Will, shaking his head.

"They must have been Dauntless," Tris says.

"Yeah, but a lame version of Dauntless," Christina adds, laughing. "A Dauntless Ferris wheel wouldn't have cars. You would just hang tight with your hands, and good luck to you." We walk down the side of the pier. Christina dares Will to jump into the marsh, and he dress her to go first. I wonder again how I missed this, how they acted together.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location. I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect," I say. Will takes the flag from me.

"Some people should stay here and guard, and some people should go out and scout the other team's location," He says._ You can tell he came from Erudite, it's a smart plan, defends us and attacks them._

"Yeah? You think? Who put you in charge, transfer?" Marlene asks, taking the flag.

'No one," He responds, "But someone's got to do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," Christina suggests._ It's not as good a plan as Will's, if they came to us there's a possibility that we couldn't take them all out and they would get our flag. I made this team to be fast, to snatch up the flag and run. Eric has the people who would win easier in a fight._

"That's the sissy way out," Uriah comments. "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it."_ It's possible, but hard to hide a glowing beacon of neon yellow. It's better than Christina's, but Will's plan is still the best. No one will listen to him, though. Too bad, it would be nice to win, again._

Everyone starts yelling out plans, Christina drops hers to defend Will- again I notice how close they are- The Dauntless-born mostly vote for the offensive. I sit down on the edge of the carousel and look at the sky. I close my eyes briefly, I feel so comfortable right now. But when I open my eyes I see Tris. She's looking over her shoulder, almost like she's guilty.

She walks to the ferris wheel, quickly, lightly. She presses her gun to her back, so it doesn't make any noise. She stands at the foot of it for a minute, just staring up at it. Then she grabs a rung.

**This turned out longer than I expected, and it's also taking a while too. So, this'll be a two-parter. (Ooooh, cliff-hanger! Not really, you know what happens, but still...)**


	10. Capture the Flag, part Two

10. Capture the Flag part Two

_But when I open my eyes I see Tris. She's looking over her shoulder, almost like she's guilty. She walks to the Ferris wheel, quickly, lightly. She presses her gun to her back, so it doesn't make any noise. She stands at the foot of it for a minute, just staring up at it. Then she grabs a rung._

.

.

.

"Tris." She doesn't startle at my voice like I thought she would.

"Yes?" She says back, turning around.

"I came to find out what you think you're doing." _Please not something stupid_.

"I'm seeking higher ground. I don't think I'm doing anything." She makes me smile, of course she would have her head straight and think through the chaos behind us. _Higher ground would be good. If we find their flag we could send out a party and be done._

"Alright, I'm coming." She pauses, and looks me over. I fight a strange urge to put my arms in front of my chest, it's not like she can see through my clothing. But apparently whatever she was looking for she didn't find. _Or found it and didn't like it._ Her eyes tighten and she dismisses me.

"I'll be fine."

"Undoubtedly," I reply. She's still scrutinizing me for something, but she turns away, shaking her head so subtly I wonder if she knows she's doing it. She starts to climb, and I follow.

"So tell me what you think the purpose of this exercise is. The game, not the climbing," I say as soon as we're a ways up. She looks back at me, and then at the pavement below us, because to look at me she must look down. _Oh God, the pavement below us. We're up in the air. The wind is blowing stronger the higher we get. Oh God..._ She pushes closer to the support bar, but thinks better of it. She's still looking down as we climb._ No, Tobias, not down. Not on the hard cement that we could fall on and splat._

"Learning about strategy. Teamwork, maybe."

'Teamwork," I repeat. _So close to the values we were then, so far from what we are now._ My laugh catches in my throat, and comes out a breathy, panicked thing. _We're so high up..._"Maybe not," she amends. "Teamwork doesn't seem like Dauntless priority."_ It's supposed to be. Ah, we're too high up._

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be." She's not listening._ She's blinking so much, the wind is hurting her eyes and blowing her hair into her face, but she still is trying to keep them wide open. Despite it, she looks happy. No, not happy... Euphoric._ Her hand almost misses the next rung._ Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..._

"Now tell me what you think learning strategy has to do with strategy," I say._ Stop distracting her, we're too high up for you to do that. We're too high, Hell we're too high up here._ But Hell is in the ground and you're in the air. Definitely in the air. _Hell is where I'll end up if I fall, down into the ground, the crust, farther, deeper, Hell. Gah. Stop thinking like that, Tobias. Oh, we're far too high._

"It... it prepares you to act," she says. "You learn strategy so you can use it."_ High, too high, far too high. I'm going to fall. I'm breathing fast, heavy, hard. Even my heavy breathing could knock me off here._ "Are you alright, Four?"

"Are you _human_, Tris? Being up this high..." I gulp for air. "It doesn't scare you at all?" She looks at the ground, almost shocked to see that we are this high, but not scared. She looks so objectively at the ground, as if she's trying to make it seem scary, but it apparently it doesn't scare her.

She turns back, when a strong gust of air blows through. It knocks her off balance, and she gasps as she clings to the rungs. I reach up, quickly clamping around her hip_. I don't want her to fall, I think. Also, I don't think I could handle myself if she fell and left me alone all the way up here, seeing what could happen to me._ One of my fingers is on her skin, her shirt is riding up a little. I squeeze gently, trying to calm and steady her. She's stopped climbing, giving herself some time to regain her breath and balance, staring at her hands.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yes," she says. But her voice is strained. We keep climbing, until we reach a platform. The railings are long gone. She clambers onto it, then sits with her legs dangling over the side. She looks at me, then moves over to make room. I stay in a crouch, back to the metal support, breathing heavily.

"You're afraid of heights," she says. "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"_ It's not this_ high.

"I ignore my fear. When I make my decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist." She stares at me, and I can't read her expression. She doesn't look away. I don't want her to look away._ But what if there's something on my face? Food in my teeth?_ "What?"

"Nothing." She turns away, towards the city. I look too. _Well, all that for nothing_. The huge building is right in front of us, blocking our view. "We're not high enough," she says. _What? We're far too high as it stands!_ "I'm going to climb," she decides. _Crap, she's going to kill herself._

"For God's sake, Stiff..."

"You don't have to follow me." She wiggles her foot between two crossing bars and pushes herself up, grabbing another bar in the process. That would have been that, anyone else I would have left, they're hopeless._ Not her_.

"Yes, I do." Her face is tight, concentrated. And she's smiling._ Well, that does it, she's insane._ I follow her, her arms shaking and that crazy smile still lingering. And then she looks back at me, and sees straight down._ Shit._ Her face is a mask of terror, she's not seeing right anymore. I want to yell at her to stop, but it could disorient her enough to knock her all the way off balance. Maybe even onto me before she falls. She turns around scrambles up, trying to run away from the sight. I am taunt, I shouldn't be thinking about this, but for this once I'm not just frightened for myself. I worry for her, too.

All at once her face brightens. "She that?" she yells over the wind, pointing wildly. I see it too, now. A tiny, pulsing light on the ground. I'm so close to her, my mouth is next to her ear, the only place I could get myself high enough. She's warm, a fire where the wind is cutting away at my own heat._ I'm not so afraid when I'm this close to her. I'm not in any less danger, and my heart is still beating like crazy, but it's a shared problem now. Falling, and her._

"Yeah."_ I see it._ A smile spreads across my face. "It's coming from the park at the end of the pier. Figures. It's surrounded by by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough." _Not enough from your intuitive eyes._

"Okay," she says. She looks over at me, and I can feel how close we are again. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you." _Right, we're on the top of a rusty bucket of death, extending into the sky and threatening to drop us onto the ground._

I nod and step down. My hands are red with effort, shaking with fear. I watch as Tris puts a foot down, and the bar breaks underneath her. I can't make the connection at first, the bar clattering down, bouncing on other bars, and Tris. It's a strangled gasp that gets me, and I start climbing down with abandon, I can't get any faster. The two things that are making my heart race right now are Tris and heights, and one of those things I'm not keen on losing, so I suppress the other for the moment. Adrenaline, that's what's happening._ Crap, crap, crap, crap. Dear Lord, please let me not be late. Please don't let her fall to her death, I can't get down any faster._

"Four!" She tries to put her feet down somewhere, but her legs aren't long enough to reach anywhere.

"Hold on!" I shout, "Just hold on, I have an idea." I look at her eyes before I'm too far down to make them out, she's disbelieving that I'm going the opposite direction that she expected, and then she squeezes them tight.

"Four!" she yells again. I'm down now, running towards the crank. The wheel is moving, she is moving, it's rolling, slowly, but picking up speed. I can see her, her eyes wide open she's so close to being squashed, she drops, hits the ground, rolls away from a car barreling towards her, and scrapes herself on some concrete. She presses her palms to her face.

I run to her, grab her wrists, pry them away from her eyes. Her wide eyes. How did I not see how beautiful they are before. They're beautiful, even glistening with the remains of her fear, even with my vision somewhat tapering on and off at the edges from adrenaline. I hold a hand of hers between both of mine. They're warm, bright red to sight and heaters by touch.

"You alright?" I press our hands together.

"Yeah." _Of course. She's insane, but also insanely lucky_. I start to laugh, and she joins after a second. She pushes herself up into a sitting position, and we're so close, again. I can't get too close, I see that now when my brain isn't addled by fear, and others are watching. I stand up, and pull her up with me. The wind from the still-moving wheel blows her hair around.

"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked," she says. "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."

"I would have, if I had known. Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag," I say. I hesitate for a moment, then take her by the arm and drag her over to the carousel. She half runs, half limps behind me. Cristina is perched on one of the horses, her legs crossed and her hand around the horses pole. The flag is propped up behind her. Only four other kids are still here.

"Where did everyone go?" I ask. My eyes are wide, and Tris and I match each other in enthusiastic.

"Did you guys turn the wheel?" Lynn asks. "What hell are you thinking? You might as well of shouted, 'Here we are! Come and get us!'" She shakes her head. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row..."

"The wheel doesn't matter. We know where they are," I say.

"We?" Cristina looks from Tris to me, and then back to Tris.

"Yes. While the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team." I can't help but sound proud.

"What do we do now then," Daryl says through a yawn. I look at Tris. Slowly everyone else does the same.

"Split in half," she decides. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the edge off the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag." _Genius_. Christina stares at Tris like she doesn't recognize her, and then with jealousy.

"Sounds good," Lynn says, clapping her hands together. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"

Christina and Uriah join Tris in the group of three. I join the larger group, meant for diversion. When we reach the end of the pier, we attack. Paint balls are flying. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Tris about to grab their flag. Then Molly goes after me, and then... Christina has the flag? _I could have sworn that Tris was right there._ I see her, far behind the others, far behind where she was before. Uriah claps her on the shoulder, and Tris joins in the celebration anyway. I fight to her side, which is hard because she's in the thick of everything.

I put a hand on her shoulder so she'll turn around. "Well done."

**Well, now do you see what I mean by it being a long chapter? Together the two parts make up 3847 words, when my average chapter only has 1000 or so. Yeah... I cut off way too early that last chapter, though, they're nowhere near even. Well, here it is completed.**


	11. Dangerous

11. Dangerous

It's the last day for fights. Peter's against Edward, Al is against Christina. Will is the first fight, against Myra. Tris is paired up with Molly, not my choice. She's good now, but I still hope that she doesn't get hurt. Her's is the last fight. She comes in, and she's wearing new clothes. It's a petty thing to notice, but I do. Christina, who was already here, walks over to her. They start talking on Tris's way to the board. Tris looks different, somehow, and it's not just the clothes. She's got a... hardness to her eyes. She isn't happy, or smiling. Her face is tight, controlled, and her eyes look like they haven't laughed in a while.

Al is with them, now. "You okay, Tris? You look a little...," he says.

"A little what?" Tris says. She's not joking, not curious, not funny. She's got this eerie calmness, even to her voice.

"...On edge," Al finishes.

They look at the board a little more. Al asks Christina to go easy on him, I've noticed he doesn't fight anymore. Not true fighting, he fakes being taken down every time, so he finishes earlier than the others. She tells him that she can't make any promises.

Will and Myra shuffle awkwardly, neither one making a move beside jerky, fake movements, to psyche the other out. I sit back and yawn. Eventually Will knocks Myra out._ It's not a victory when you knock someone like Myra out._ Al and Christina's fight is quick, she gets a few good hits to his face in the first few minutes. He goes down and doesn't get up. Eric though Al's first fight was a spectacular start, but now he just shakes his head, disgusted_. Al should have fought, it's his last fight and he'll probably be disqualified for his low ranks._ Edward and Peter take a while._ They are the two best fighters, but they fight differently, and for different reasons. Peter fights to win, Edward fights to help himself get stronger._ His fist slams into Peter's jaw._ Edward is faster and stronger_. He wins. _Peter isn't going to like this._

Tris has bit her nails raw, and it must hurt as she curls her hands into fists, but she doesn't seem to notice that. She was nervous earlier, but the cold look is back. She walks into the arena without a look back. She stands across from Molly.

"Was that a birthmark I saw on your left butt cheek? God, you are pale, Stiff," Molly taunts, smirking. _What is she talking about?_

Molly makes the first move._ She's done that in all of her fights_. She starts towards Tris, throws her weight into a punch. Tris dives, and then drives her fists into Molly's stomach. _Good_. She then slips past Molly, putting her hands up to defend from the next attack. Molly's not smirking anymore. _She's been too cocky, that's what allowed Tris to get those in. She'll be business now, so Tris better either watch out or be good._ Molly runs over, like she's trying to tackle Tris. Tris blocks Molly's next punch with her forearm. _That must hurt, but she doesn't seem to feel it_. Molly grits her teeth and makes a sound that reminds me of an animal. She tries a sloppy kick to Tris's side, which Tris dodges easily. She rushes forward, to force an elbow into Molly's face._ I gave her that advice, to use her elbows and knees. Is it wrong to feel pride about that? I am her trainer, after all, but I'm the trainer of all of them. Besides Edward. I'm just another trainer, for him._

Molly pulls her head back, and Tris's attack only grazes her chin. She punches Tris in her ribs, and Tris stumble off to the side._ Both of them have that problem, leaving their middle exposed too often. Molly just took the advantage when Tris didn't. _Tris waits a few moments to come back, she's watching Molly. _I wonder what she's observing, how it'll help her._ She aims an uppercut below Molly's bellybutton._ Ah, so now she uses their weakness to her advantage. It's a good hit, it knocked the breath out of Molly._ Tris sweep-kicks Molly's legs out from under her, and Molly goes down.

As she falls, Tris kicks her hard, on her ribs._ What's going on now?_ Molly curls up into a ball, trying to protect herself._ Tris, what are you doing?_ Tris keeps kicking her, catching her in her stomach, chest, and ribs, over and over._ Tris, please stop._ Blood springs from Molly's nose._ Please, Tris, stop._ Tris keeps kicking. _Stop!_ I walk up behind them, and take Tris around the shoulders. I pull her off Molly, scared. _This isn't you, Tris._

Her eyes are crazed, her teeth gritted. She won't look at me, she's only looking a Molly, who is still on the ground. Molly sniffles, still curled up and bloody. She groans, and spits out blood.

"You won," I mutter in Tris's ear. "Stop." I stare at her. She's furious, but something in my face must snap her back, because she registers my surprise and slows down. She wipes the sweat from her forehead. "I think you should leave. Take a walk," I say.

"I'm fine," she says. "I'm fine now." She turns away from me, walks out of the room.

**Well, well, well. What ****_do_**** we have here. Four wasn't there for the scene that caused this, when Tris was being harassed. I love how the thing that got Tris back on track was seeing how surprised and worried Tobias was. This is my last day of break, so I won't be able to update this fast anymore, but I'll still be updating. Short chapter, huh. Oh well.**


	12. Visiting Day

12. Visiting Day

Visiting day. Pretty much Hell on earth for me. Visiting day is when all the parents and families of the kids come over and have a good ol' time. I remember my visiting day. The others kids were so happy, yelling and screaming, smiles everywhere and everyone joking about. As they ran amuck, all... Happy. Whatever. I had laid in my bed, buried under the covers all day, listening to the sounds in the distance, the shouts and tears. Eventually the noise had gotten quieter. Later it stopped completely, slowly every parent and sibling had gone home. The initiates I trained with back then had all filtered back in at night, bustling with stories of home and full to a bursting point of just being happy.

There was no point of visiting day for me, my mother had been exiled, my father... She was probably dead, Now that I think back. She and my father had argued, she had disobeyed him so often, and one night she just disappeared. My father declared her good as dead. If she's still alive, her only chance would've been living with the factionless. _My father, I wish he was the one dead. I'm not proud of it, but it's true_. There's no way he would ever come to see me- especially here- of his own will. And there's no chance that I would purposefully see him ever again. So I just kept the covers over my head and sulked.

This day, it holds no significance with me, has no point. So I go wandering instead. I talk to Al's parents, they're looking for him. I stand at the railing and look around. Will is with a tall, blonde girl. She has a familiar crease between her eyes. I'm not sure why it's familiar, but she stands with an arm around Will, so she must be his visiting family. Christina was with a woman, who looks like a older version of her, and someone else, who looks like a little version of her.

Tris is a ways off from them, on the other side of the area. She's meeting with a tall woman, dressed in a gray Abnegation smock that's buttoned all the way up her neck. I'm guessing that the woman is her mother, unless she has a sister and the two have a big age difference. Tris gestures in my direction and says something. She could be be introducing me because she knows my name, she could be telling her mother that I'm one of her trainers, she could be saying something about me ostracizing her during training. But whatever it is,_ and I so want to know what it is she said,_ it makes her mom lean closer and say something in an even quieter tone. Tris nods, absentmindedly, and her mother laughs_. I really want to know, now._

I pretend to be surprised to see them there when I turn around to look again. Her mother offers her hand to me.

"Hello. My name is Natalie," she says. _She's so formal, I've forgotten what it was like to live where everyone talked like that_. "I'm Beatrice's mother." First, Beatrice again. So it's definitely her name. Second, I was right, Natalie is her mother. I shake her hand, hesitantly_. I've never really gotten the hang of the whole, just right pressure, when you squeeze, when you let go. It's such a hassle for a greeting._

"Four. It's nice to meet you." _No it's not._

"Four," Natalie repeats with a smile. "Is that a nickname?" _No, I was named Four, because I was the fourth child or some other stupid explanation. Note the sarcasm_.

"Yes." I look at Tris and see that she's not really on the same frame as me and her her mother. She's slightly zoned out, and I can see that she's thinking hard about something._ She's intuitive, I wonder what she's picked up_. "Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training." _Trust me, I think, no one's been watching her as closely as I have been. And also, lets pretend that doesn't sound that creepy._ Tris scowls at something, and I'm momentarily thrown off. _She knows I'm her trainer, so she knows I must be overseeing her. She must have come to a revelation of whatever she was thinking about earlier. It seems to have disgruntled her, whatever it may be._

"That's good to hear," her mom says. "I know a thing or two about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her." _How does she know anything, she's a Stiff._ I turn away from her to look directly at Tris. I look up, then down, scanning her. Nowhere can I see anything, any part of her, that isn't strong, and brave, and Dauntless.

"You shouldn't worry," I say. It's half for Tris,_ because she shouldn't worry about initiation. _The other half is for her mother, _Tris is thoroughly Dauntless now, no matter how selfless she remains_. Tris's cheeks are red, though, I must have embarrassed her.

"You look familiar for some reason, Four." I stiffen, coming back to the present. And in the present there is a wife of an Abnegation leader who worked closely with my father._ Of course she recognizes me, she probably seen me at least a half-dozen times before I transferred no matter how hidden my father made me back then._ And in the present I need to block her._ Here and now I am Four, and if Tobias shows his face I could be in big trouble with the Dauntless leaders._

"I can't imagine why." My tone has gone back to being cold, "I don't make a habit of associating with the Abnegation."

To my surprise, Natalie laughs. It's a light sound, very airy. "Few people do, these days. I don't take it personally." I relax a bit.

"Well, I'll leave you to your reunion." _No sense in overstaying my welcome, or giving Natalie another chance to guess who I am_. I leave them there, but I can here them talking as I go.

"Is he always like this?" Natalie asks Tris. _No_.

"Worse." _ Is that really what she thinks?_ They make their way over to Christina and Will's families.

**This is shorter. Oh, well, at least I got something in during the school week. Everyone who has reviewed so far, thank you guys so much! Especially those who've reviewed twice, I really don't mind multiple comments. Don't be afraid to tell me what I've gotten wrong, or how you think it would be different. You can also suggest ideas for other chapter and how you think he would act then. So... Review pretty pretty please, okay?**


	13. Ranks

13. Ranks

After dinner, it's time to display the ranks. I try to explain the system, but as I finish I hear a group transfers come in, and they've missed everything, so I have to start over again.

"For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how ranks are determined." My back is to them, and I start writing on the chalkboard. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of point you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat."_ Or can't beat_. "You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice." I turn around and look them all over, especially Peter. "If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent." Molly makes a rude, unnecessary noise, that makes her sound more pig than girl.

The system is very simple. We judge and rank them. Then, in the next fight, if they beat someone higher, they get a few points. The farther up the rank is, the more points. Then we have a system for later points where the victor gains two points if they win, unless they win over someone with more points. The people are ranked again every time, from most points to least. The victor gets three extra points every level more than them their opponent was. After each day the points are counted and the ranks are re-calculated all over again. If a person on the higher half of the ranks gets beaten, they lose two points. See, simple.

"Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice. That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one." I look at Tris a while longer than the others, a sort of warning. But instead my eye catches and continues to watch as she does an awkward movement, shuffling and staring at her feet._ I shouldn't try to make her feel awkward_. Then she looks up and we have I contact, I realize I'm staring, and I look away. "We announce our cuts tomorrow," I say. "The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates aren't will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are our ranks." I step aside, and let them crowd the board.

Myra is fluttery, _she knew she wouldn't make it_. She's bashfully ignoring the rest, staying on the edge, but proudly holds onto Edward's arm. Edward is confident,_ everyone knew the top spot here was between him and Peter, and Peter does_ not _deserve it. Edward does_. Peter is staring calmly ahead, but inside I storm must be brewing._ He's a huge complainer, so he must be up to something big. One of the transfers should keep an eye on him, since we're not allowed to_. He goes to his bunk, unties his shoes, and sits down. Drew is skulking, his wasn't the worst, but it wasn't something for him to be proud of. Will is happy, giving out high-fives to his friends and clapping Tris on the back. I have to fight back the irrational jealousy again, something I still have yet to master. But of all the rest, Molly and Christina are time-bombs.

Molly is brutal, but not smart._ And the way she goes after Tris.._. The distaste I have towards her has been well founded. Christina is still annoying, flawed, but half-decent. She asks far too many questions and needs the remaining Candor in her to be knocked out fast- before anyone else decides they want to kill her. But she's easily tolerated if I tune her out, and being Tris's close friend may have helped her case a lot._ Plus, she and Will have a developing thing, and if Will is with Christina, it'll make it all the more easier to get him to stay away from Tris_. But she is hot-headed, and stubborn to a very defined fault. Clashing heads with Molly could be dangerous for her, or it could not. But the initiates aren't allowed to fight among themselves, or at least not publicly, and fighting in front of us wouldn't be something we're allowed to ignore. Of course, Eric would probably find pleasure in seeing the two of them get at each other.

Christina has her head tilted at the board, slightly smiling, slightly frowning. She's noticed it, but she's happy as well as confused. Molly is shaking with anger, trembling. Despite the common sounds that humans make: squeaks of shoes against floor, some breathing that's louder than usual, the quiet mumbles as the transfer talk under their breath; when it explodes, it explodes loudly.

"What? I beat her, I beat her in _minutes_, and she's ranked _above_ me?"

"Yeah," Christina says. crossing her arms. Aside from being confused earlier, it seems she's put it behind her. Now she just wants to gloat. She's wearing a smug smile as she taunts Molly. "And..."

"If you intend to secure yourself in a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents," I say, trying to prevent the fight. It takes my effort not to look a Tris, because I know my gaze will soften, and I will apologize with my eyes._ She doesn't need that, and I don't need the trouble that comes along with it._ Without another word I took the chalk and walked out, before I got tempted to do something else again.

I ran into Zeke in the hallway, hooting and hollering about something. He was going on about how yesterday was awesome, and he still can't believe I always refuse to go zip lining every year. I roll my eyes. _Just because I try to ignore my fear of heights here doesn't mean I have to jump off the roof of an one-hundred story building, does it_?

"... And he was screaming so high pitched, oh I just love torturing my little bro. Oh, yeah, guess who came and went before even 'Riah did?" He went on before I could guess, but I wasn't going to guess anyway, so that worked. "The Stiff. You know, small, blondie, and apparently fearless." My blood quickened. "Lauren decided we shouldn't call her Stiff anymore, though, right... I wonder what her new name'll be? I probably call her blondie or such."

"Why? How did she even get there. Why was she even doing anything?"_ So that's why she looked all windblown and red-cheeked at dinner last night_. I guess heights is off the list of her possible fears... She definitely looked like she had been having some fun.

"Calm down, chillax." Zeke had his trademark smirk on. "Why are you so worked up over that detail when I've told you all about the people that you do know, not a wannabe transfer. If you want to know, come next time. It's simple. Although, she might not make it another year, which means she wouldn't get too do it again..." he kept talking in his own Zeke way. But all I could think was that he was right, I don't know her. Not at all_. I want to change that._

**Gah, It's been... what? A month? A month and a half? Two? I seriously don't know? I hope it hasn't been long enough to stop you from reading. Sorry guys (you know, the ones I imagine that actually read and care about this story. they don't really exist, but whatever. if someone's reading this than I guess you're who I'm apologizing to, since you've read this far already.) Anyways, sorry for the delay, and that it ended with a short chapter to boot. I'll try to be more consistent, but no promises 'cause I can't commit to a schedule just yet. Sorry!**


	14. AN

**Hey guys. I'm sorry, this is just an Author's Note, not an update. Due to technical difficulties, the loss of my Divergent book, and finals, I can't update soon. It should take a couple months at the most to finish everything and get stuff back in working order, let alone when I'll ever find any book that I've lost. That last part could be in a week, or it could be longer than the technical stuff. Sorry, this is the last update for a little while. Didn't want to leave you guys in the dark while I work everything out. Sorry again.**


	15. Second Stage

14. Second Stage

Despite what's in the actual fear landscape, all people have a thousand small fears, tolerable things that still manage to send a chill up their spine. Occurrences that make them think of natural disasters, falling asleep, certain times of day, shadows that look like childhood nightmares, even foods, and animals like spiders and bees... The simulation we use in the second stage of initiation drags up one of those fears for each participant and fleshes it out, making the fear the most real it's seemed before.

Here I sit, hooked up to the machine, picking the corners of minds so closely resembling mine... It didn't used to bother me this much before. Now, though, seeing Lynn run from speeding trains and Bill disappear into darkness, I feel intrigued, and also guilty. Marlene is crushed in a crowd of people, swept away in the tide. I wonder if she ever had that happen to her as a child. I think about James, who must have a deep-seated fear of being stranded and lost, because his simulation's fear came from the feeling of time passing slowly by while he's left deserted.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little at the moths that terrorized Christina. Wendy had a strange fear of brightness, and while other kids found comfort in the light she was scared of being blind and helpless and it being everywhere. I could feel how it must have burned; It burned like Will's acid pool.

I smiled vindictively at Molly in the middle of an elephant stampede, and Drew crushed by pressure deep underwater.

One of the most puzzling was Edward. Surprisingly grown up when compared to the rest, in his simulation he fought. It was against a never-ending slew of opponents, and it dragged on long and torturously. He had no hope of winning.

"Peter!" In the first stage either you have it or you don't. They all try, and some succeed, but it boils down the variables they can't control or change fast enough: size, strength, and experience.

"Jenny!" Only a few kids were natural fighters.

"Tris!" She gets up slowly as I beckon to her to come forward. "Come one, Tris." Drew sticks his leg out to trip her, but she doesn't even slow down and walks right over it. _I really wonder what she'll be afraid of_... I touch her shoulder, guiding her into the room, and close the door. She stops suddenly and I run into her back. She observes the room in it's dim lighting. "Sit," I say.

"What's the simulation." Despite trying to cover it, I can still hear her voice wavering. Her face is pale.

"Have you ever heard the phrase, 'Face your fears,?" I feel strangely happy that we're still so close, back to chest. "We take that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of frightening situations." Is it wrong I want to put my hands back on her shoulders, maybe spin her around so we're chest to chest... _Yes. You're evaluating her to try and make sure she's 'brave' enough for a bunch of cowards and all you're doing is getting lost in distractions._

She touches her palm to her forehead, an almost unnoticed gesture of nervousness. She looks scared... I wonder why she has a fear of simulations; Maybe she's scared of needles, or injections, or maybe she reacts weirdly to them. It's interesting.

Maybe she has a fear of the unknown, or losing control. _Maybe if I get to know her she'll tell me._ I almost smiled, _how ridiculous_! If she ever wanted to get close to _me_, she'd be scared away quickly. _I'm the worst possible person for her._

She sits down, and I'm sad- because of the track my thoughts were taking, and the loss of contact. For someone so small, she was warm.

"Do you ever administer the aptitude tests?" she asks. That exact reason she wants to know is why she is better off far away. _Is it wrong to want to laugh at her somehow finding a way to confirm my thoughts so quickly?_ No, it's called hysteria. I don't like this feeling.

"No," I'm mad, I want her to get out of my thoughts, my head. I want to scare her away- _because it's not like it won't happen anyway_! "I avoid Stiffs as much as possible." As angry as I am with her, I shouldn't be. She doesn't know the effect she has on me.

"Why?" She's so innocent, doesn't know the world. _I could break her. I could give her the harsh truth all at once._ But I don't want to break her anymore, for some reason I want her close.

_But I won't associate myself with her. Not with a Stiff. Not a girl someone can get to me with. _I can't let her get close.

"Do you ask me that because you think I'll actually answer?"

"Why do you say vague things if you don't want to be asked about them?" She has fire in her... So selfless, but definitely too curious, and very... Dauntless. I want to be close.

I'm behind her now with the syringe. My fingers brush her neck, she instinctively shrinks back. I shouldn't be hurt, it shouldn't matter, but...

I move her hair to the side. It isn't necessary, but what about my actions are nowadays. She tilts her head back, but not towards me.

"An injection?" Her eyes are big. _I was right earlier, she_ must_ be scared of the syringe_.

"We use a more advanced version of the simulation here," I say. "a different serum, no wires or electrodes for you." Wireless, they used to call it.

"How does it work without wires?" _You're way too curious for your own good._

"Well, _I_ have wires, so I can see what's going on." I pause. "But for you there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that send data to the computer." _That way I can just watch the show, not experience it._

I turn over her arm and press the syringe down. She winces.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different than the aptitude test." "In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions- like fear- and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is the transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down- that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

I don't know why I'm telling her all this, I didn't tell any of the others, and besides, none of them- but Will- asked. I want to sate her curiosity- even though I know how unhealthy a habit it is anywhere, and even though she probably didn't get half of what I said. At least me talking kept her from more questions.

It's so strange, I still want to see her limit, how much it would take before she crumble, but at the same to, I don't want to see her crack. I want to know she's whole and healthy, so what I can to keep her safe, at both of our risks. It's so private, the thing that destroys you. I want to let her be, let her have her secrets, despite my morbid curiosity.

And strangely, I'm also slightly scared. I caught of glimpse of something close to her breaking point back when she beat up Molly, merciless and uncaring, no longer Tris. Eavesdroppers don't hear what they want to hear, snoopers don't find what they want to find. I don't want her to be that, to see her change. I don't know her, but I want to, and I know enough that if she breaks, she won't be Tris.

All these thoughts run in my head as I watch her eyes- formerly dilated and wide- slowly droop shut. Her breath hitches, and she must be too far gone to concentrate on me now. I take a small risk, planting my hands on either side of her head and lean over her. I can smell her- the generic shampoo and soap- that doesn't have an odor other than a distinct clean smell- a faint trace of what might be perfume, but also might be air fresheners from her bunk.

"Be brave, Tris," I whisper, and her eyes open just enough to see she registers my presence, and then they close.

Her breathing is soft, it hasn't started yet. It'll take another ten seconds or so to kick in and start her simulation, drag out a memory and terrify her about whatever it is for the rest of her life.

I should move. I should hook myself up to the computer and watch, learn about her, do my job, make the higher-ups happy. I shouldn't be still here, holding her. I shouldn't be marveling at it's texture, how smooth it feels. I'm probably being watched, that should matter to me. _So many shoulds and shouldn'ts_, yet I stay there until her breathing hitches, her fingers clenched, and she starts reacting to the simulation.

I know it's started, I know I need to be watching, it would be informative, it would help, no one would get suspicious. Still, I stay there for thirty seconds that all drag out in the best way possible, and yet slip by easily.

I'm in a haze as I slip over to the monitor. Her scent is generic to many people, I've smelled so many variations of it before, and none had delivered a knockout like this to my system before. It's not lavender, or mint, or other scents that attract people. It isn't anything I could be prepared for. _Which is just perfect for her. _I got too close to her, it was... _intoxicating_. I shouldn't feel that way (another shouldn't), even I sober up I remember how potent it is.

I am in the middle of _testing_ her, yet I can't handle myself. What is _wrong_ with me.

I'd already missed a lot of her simulation, they run much faster than real time does. Luckily, I seemed to come in right when I was needed.

Her fear has already built up. I see things in a sort of fast-forward pace, and yet I'm also in the simulation time so nothing slips right past me, I have enough time to catch it all; the crows that cloud her, cover the sky and ground, fill the air with sound, claw at her. I hear her screams, see her wild eyes, the sobbs wrenching themselves from her chest

"Help! Help! Help, please!" She can't know she's screaming, completely panicked as she is. I can barely make out the sobs of, "I'm dying!" It doesn't sound human. That's what fear does.

"Four!" Something in me burns. It was torn, incomprehensible, I doubt anyone would notice it. She doesn't know what's she's screaming, she can't know what she did. Yet that number has been my name for years.

She chokes on feathers, "Help! Four! Christina, I'm dying! Caleb, please, HELP!" Does she count me as one of her friends, calling for my help?_ Or is she calling for help because of me, because I've given her this?_

She spits and struggles, clenching her teeth, and I want it to be over, not for her, but for me. _Selfish_, the voice in my head says, and I'm shamed. But I can't take this anymore, even if the clock on the screen says it's only been two minutes.

She breathes noisily, lets out a cry of pain and tears. Slowly she fights her way to an upright position and I can see the held in screams, the pain. She lifts her arms out and the crows feast on the skin she has left, her arms so red with open wounds I can't see her natural skin tone. Feathers stick to her skin sticky with sweat and blood.

The crows are under her and over her, at her sides, pressed too close, beaks in her flesh everywhere. I am helpless. _Let this end, let this end!_ Her body relaxes and the crows turn her into an unidentifiable carcass and the screen is black again.

I stare at the screen, breathing heavily, eyes teared up. What made this small girl from Abnegation so important that her fears became my fears when she lived through them, what changed me, what's wrong with me! I bury my head in my hands and a few tears sneak through. _What is wrong with me?_

Behind me, Tris is thrashing. Nothing disguises her screams of anguish and pain or the sobs ripping from her throat. There is a reason this room is soundproofed.

I want her to be better, I want to help her, I want to be strong, I want to freeze forever and not have to face anything, I want to hold her, _I want that not to be Tris_.

Her reaction is generally the same to the others who've gone, yet none of them made me feel so incompetent.

I allow a few more seconds staring at the screen before getting up. She is curled up, face buried in her knees. Loud sobs have replaced most of the screams.

I reach a hesitant hand towards her shoulder, wanting to touch her but scared it would hurt. The crows were more real that the other simulations I've encountered. Anything that hurts Tris is _too close to home_. It doesn't give me any relief to admit that now.

When my hand makes contact she flinches immediately, sensitive to anything touching her, and punches me instantly. Her other hand is still sweeping across her body, trying to dislodge crows, the hand that hit me returns as soon as it can to do the same thing.

So attuned to her, I could make out the words in her sobs, "Don't touch me!"

"It's over," I say, my voice shaking. I'm nervous, my emotions out of control and clouded, my hand on that was on Tris's shoulder, now in her hair, stroking. I need to know she's whole, she's fine. I don't say it's okay. We both know it's not. She still pushes her hands up and down her arms, no matter that there's no more birds to dislodge. _My poor Tris._

"Tris." She rocks back and forth on the chair. "Tris. I'm going to take you to the dorms, okay?"

_Cameras, cameras everywhere._ I need to touch her, hold her arm, absentmindedly trace the frame of her shoulders, see she's fine. I need more time next to her. I need an excuse to do those things, not have anyone watch as I try and fix Tris, my Tris.

"No!" At least it was a reaction, but her glare doesn't make me feel better. "They can't see me... not like this..." _Yeah, well_ my _they can't see us either._

Of course out of all the things to care about after that, she doesn't want to be weak in front of her fellow initiates. Of course that's what she worries about. I can't help but roll my eyes. She's traumatized, but returning. I can't figure out at the moment with my scattered brain if it's as good as I wished. I forgot how she frustrates me.

Now that I'm thinking, _t__hat was pretty amazing how she knew what to do so fast. It was almost as if she remembered that she was in a simulation, but that's very rare... for a reason._

"Oh, calm down. I'll take you out the back door."

Her body is trembling, her eyes are fogged up with tears, her legs shaking so hard that if she stood on her own she would fall. Yet, "I don't need you to..." I can't tell if she's being selfless again, or angry, or another bizarre mix of the two and being infuriating again. Whichever way, my face is composed and she's not leaving, not yet.

"Nonsense." I'm still thinking, and I definitely need to waste some time. There's no hiding from the leaders, but the other kids will notice if I'm ready again after five minutes rather than half an hour. I'll stall, walk slowly, talk to Tris. I'll take my time, and she doesn't get a say. Not in this. _It's for her good, can't she see?_

I grab her arm and pull her out of the chair. Without looking at her I know she's wiping at her eyes, and I feel her trembling even on her feet. I steer her out the door that's behind the giant- now dark- monitor.

We walk in silence, slowly as she recovers and I stall. As we walk, my hand slides down from just under her elbow to her wrist, dangerously close to her hand. For once I'm strong enough that it isn't going to addle my brain.

Soon we're so close to the room that when she yanks her wrist away from me violently I almost welcome the distraction, just so we can stop and delay her leaving. Almost. I want to hold her again.

"Why did you do that to me?" She says. "What's the point of that, huh? I wasn't aware that when I signed up for Dauntless I was signing up for weeks of torture!"

I almost sighed. Of course. She had been so quiet and demure that I thought she'd been quelled, but of course she wanted to know why. _So typically her._

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" I ask the question blandly, I need her to have that question in her mind when she stops being so angry. _Is this all it takes to break her? _If so, then I am sorely disappointed.

"That isn't overcoming cowardice! Cowardice is how you decide to be in real life, and in real life, I'm not getting pecked to death by crows, _Four_!" She covers her face and starts to cry again but for some reason I can't react for a minute because when she yelled Four like that something in me seemed to disable.

I know she's angry at Dauntless, but that anger at me right now hurts. It makes sense, to her I am Dauntless, I'm her teacher _to be_ Dauntless. But logic doesn't cater pain. She stops as suddenly as she started, and I can only hope I pulled my indifference mask back before she saw any of my raw hurt.

"I want to go home," She says, her eyes honest, yet her mouth pulled taunt like she didn't want it as much as she thought. She seems to realize what she said, and shock registers before she hardens again.

I set my mouth in a hard line, ignoring what she said and hoping the nearest microphone- two meters away from us- didn't catch it. She could be factionless from that one line. Instead I answer her qualms.

"Learning how to think in the midst of fear is a lesson that everyone, even your Stiff family, needs to learn." This all the warning she can get from me. All I can say in our silent standoff of stiff lips and guarded eyes. _She doesn't trust me._ I look away from her, at the microphone- praying that no one's listening.

I check the cameras in their strategic places, but we're in shadow, and I don't have every location memorized. "That's what we're," _I'm_, "trying to teach you."If you can't learn it," _Please don't get mad at me, someone has to have had heard our loud voices and is now monitoring_, "you'll need to get the hell out here, because we won't want you." _Ouch, ah, that shouldn't have hurt _me.

"I'm _trying_," as she speaks her voice crack and her lower lip trembles. I can't help watching it. "But I failed. I'm failing." She hangs her head and I want to lift it up, look her in the eye, make her see her stubbornness against her strength. Instead I sigh.

"How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?"

"I don't know," she says, shaking her head. "A half and hour?"

"Three minutes." She's shocked, as I would be. I took fifteen minutes my first Dauntless simulation, half the average time, and yet she bested me by far. "You got out many times faster than other initiates. Whatever you are," Well _that_ part came out wrong. She's a girl, a brave, selfless, forgiving girl, "You're not a failure." _That_ came out better.

I can see the wheel turning her head, how she turns the thought over again and again, bewildered, terrified, and an undercurrent of pride. I can't help but smile- again- at her innocence. _Hasn't she ever been the best at anything before?_ I guess she never got the enjoy that type of feeling at Abnegation...

"Tomorrow you'll be better at this. You'll see." I don't realize my mistake until her I hear her voice again, finally quiet.

"Tomorrow?"

I touch her back, to comfort, and lead her out of the shadows and back on our path. Her skin is warm from the exertion it went through earlier, and her anger just seconds ago. I make sure not to press down uncomfortably hard, just enough so she'd feel I was there.

Her eyes are curious again, and she turns to look me in the eye. "What was your first hallucination?" _Of course_. But I'm too happy to care, so my exasperation is only at her ability to find just the right questions to unhinge me.

"It wasn't a 'what' so much as a 'who'." My eyes tighten minutely, but I shrug the ominous off. "It's not important."

"And are you over that fear now?"

"Not yet." What are the odds that of my four fears in the whole world, that's one of them. But, who am I trying to kid? Of course it's a fear. _I grew up in fear, and that cannot be replaced_. We reach the door, and I take it as an opportunity to lean against the wall and put my hands in my pockets. "I may never be."

"So they don't go away?" Her questions keep hitting me where it hurts, I wouldn't be surprised if I returned to my apartment at the end of today and had bruises.

"Sometimes they do." _Mine won't._ "And sometimes new fears replace them." I hook my finger in my belt loops and look away from her, into the dark where we were standing before. At the microphones and cameras and bugs everywhere, listening, recording. _Let them record._

"But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, _that's_ the point."

She nods. I hope she gets it. I don't care if she's fearless, I just want her to be strong. I don't want her to break anymore.

"Anyways, your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation," I add. _Beside mine, but I'm not typical._

"What do you mean." I smile at her, a smile that finally reaches all the way up to my eyes. My guard is gone, this smile isn't fake. I feel no anger or irritation anymore, just a little sense of pride. _Does she really... Ask her._

"Well, are you really afraid of crows?" She thinks, and for some reason, even though she's been looking at me all the while, I feel now she's really observing me now, not just looking at me, but through me. "When you see one do you run away screaming?"

She's smiling, I don't know if she notices, though. She's... nice to look at, and so close to me now. She takes a half step closer. "No, I guess not." Another half step and she's leaning against the wall next to me.

My chest kind of hurts, and I'm suddenly aware of my breathing, and I try to make it sound as regular as possible. I'm not sure if having her closer would make it better or worse. As though she's listening to my thoughts again, she leans in. _Better, definitely better._

"So what am I really afraid off?" She asks.

"I don't know." _It's hard to admit defeat sometimes_, I want to _know_... "Only you can know." I want to sweep her hair back again, put my hands on the sides of her face again, have her closer. But her eyes are far away, in her thoughts, and she nods to my words.

"I didn't know Dauntless would be this difficult," she admits. I can tell that it was hard for her to say. She chews the inside of her cheek, something I've seen when she gets nervous, or is hiding her emotion. _I don't want her hiding her emotions from me._ No matter how bad, I'd rather lives through them with her if it would help me understand.

She has a wary look now, like she expects me to tell her that we won't want her again. But that was wrong, _I_ want her. I lift my shoulder that isn't pressed against the wall in half a shrug. "It wasn't always like this, I'm told. Being Dauntless, I mean."  
"What changed?" _Ah, right to the point._

"The leadership," I find myself saying. "The person who controls training sets the standard of Dauntless behavior. Six years ago Max," _Ugh, I hate that guy_. "and the other Dauntless leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and more brutal, said it was supposed to test people's strength." _All it does is test how far they'd leave themselves behind and conform into torturers_. "And that changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole."

I give a wan smile. "Bet you can't guess who the leader's new protege is." _Sarcasm_. Eric.

Tris looks me up and down and I have a ridiculous urge to shift my body away, because she's looking at me in a way that I can only associate with intimacy.

"So if you were ranked first in your initiate class, what was Eric's rank?" _She catches on fast._

"Second."

"So he was their second choice for leadership." She nods. "And you were their first." _Again, intuitive._

"What make you say that?"

"The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night. Jealous, even though he has what he wants." _Damn_.

She's quiet a moment, giving a few moments to read my face. I know what she must she must see there. _She's right, Tris is right, she's right._

She lets out a sniffle after a second, and I remember what she's just gone through. Instead of being a teenage boy walking the girl he likes to her door, I'm again the cold instructor that gave her nightmares.

She wipes her face, even though there are no more tears, smoothes down her hair, even though it looks fine. "Do I look like I've been crying?"

"Hmm." I allow myself to lean closer looking over her face. I smile, breathe in her scent, that nondescript smell that drives me crazy. "No, Tris. You look," _Brave, striking, strong, beautiful.._. I don't know where the saying comes from, but it's just right. "Tough as nails."

Her breathing hitches, and I slowly back away, keeping eye contact. She turns around, and hurries into the dorm. I want to follow her, instead I watch the door.

The two more people I have left to terrify are waiting, I remember them now. Max will have my head if I'm gone from the room any longer. Another thing I should do, but I don't want to go.

**Hello people. You miss me? *Dodges rocks and other projectiles* I didn't think so. Listen, I've got three more chapters done. I'm going to post them just so I can get this story going again, or else it'll die. Please don't kill me for my absence?**


	16. Visitation

15. Visitation

I sitting in my office, replaying the last two hallucinations on the screen. My head was in the clouds all afternoon. I quite literally didn't see a thing of these simulations. I was so distracted. I'd do it again, I know that, but now I have to review them.

Max will be checking in on me soon, there's no Eric to go to. He'll ask me about the kids, their fears, their times. Sometimes it feels like betrayal to the initiates, spilling their guts in front of vulture.

Yet this is the third time re-watching just this first hallucination, and I'm still getting nothing other than Tris's hair being soft, and her smell being so... _appealing_.

I sigh and re-watch the second again. I need to get a hold on myself.

The initiates are both Dauntless-born. I forget their names. I don't care. _Tris's eyes are so bright._

When I hear the knocking, it's after Max and Eric walked pretentiously into my workspace.

Sam and Mandy, that's the Dauntless-born's names. _Delayed reaction..._

"So," Max prompts. Eric stands behind him, with the grin of a hyena. He's got something he wants to say to me, wants it enough to listen through Max treating me like an equal.

I list the names of the kids, the order they went. I told Max how they reacted when they saw the room. I gave him a run-down on their fear, my theories on childhood tragedies. Lastly I told him of their times and control in and out of the hallucinations.

He gave me enough prompt and questions to keep me running so I let my mind wander while I rattled off facts. Then he got to Tris.

I skipped the panic before the injection, saying she just sat down calmly and things proceeded from there.

I told him her fear, and tried to keep the horror from my voice as I described how she was ripped apart by the vicious animals. I don't care if she isn't really scared of them, I'll never see crows the same again. _Tris is mine, they don't get to sink their talons into her._ I'm not sure if the thought is for the birds or the men in front of me.

I gave them the information on how she relaxed and allowed the crows to take hold of her, and I'm sure no one in my place would be able to keep the awe out of their voice. Strangely, Max doesn't seem to see how I skip around the topic of Tris, both guarded and emotional over her. He just wants the facts. On the other hand, Eric's grin only gets wider.

I avert from saying anything about after she woke up, again skipping her reactions. Neither person asks me about my impromptu walk. I wonder who was monitoring the cameras while I was occupied.

I'm ashamed that the last two reports I gave were done much faster than the others. All I could say was their names, the basic rundown of the fear, and the times frozen on the screen. I don't remember their emotions, reactions.

Max presses me for a little more on them, anything more, and I'm glad that at least Tris isn't the one on his mind. At the same time, I am guilty that I can't give him more. His temper is short, I don't need his focus on me, I know I'll let something slip and then he'll be after her. _That's not going to happen. She's not going to be another Amar._

I make up details, try to satisfy. Max is suspicious, Eric still hasn't said anything. He and his grin haven't said anything. I wonder why he's so pleased.

"Okay, dumbass, I get it." Max gets up, stretches. "I know your little brain'll need more plying for more stuff, but I got enough. I'll grill you again tomorrow, so rest. God knows you'll need to be in the best shape to give me what I need or you'll get it." He pauses at the doorway. "Eric?"

"I want to spend a little more time with my pal." He looks at Max, like a puppy waiting for a treat. Strong, young, _kiss-up_ Eric. _Cowardly_, _too_, my thoughts add.

Max doesn't give him anything, just shrugs and walk out without a backward glance.

Eric is watching me again, that insane smile. "You were good with your report until the last three, you know. The last two, you didn't know much. But the one right before them, you seemed to know too much about her simulation, enough to keep some facts from us. Good thing I was watching, huh?" _Oh, God, Eric was on monitor duty today. Crap._

"She sure was done pretty fast, wasn't she?" He continues. "What was her name, again? Tris? Yes, _Tris_, that's right." He moves closer to me, but I stay frozen. "I'll have to keep a personal eye on her, won't I." My eyes narrow, fingers curl, brave attempts to show him my anger, but neither disguises the scared breath I let out.

Eric's laughing, red-faced from holding it in before. "It's strange how you almost couldn't speak about her fear, and your eyes were glazed and far away when you talked about her... what was it you called it again? _Sacrifice_? A little dramatic for you, isn't it?" _That was a bad choice of words, Four._

"Isn't she a too little or something? She's practically a pre-teen, no way she's sixteen like everyone thinks. Aren't you a little old for her? So small, so breakable. Barely has anything on her." _He doesn't see her, not her bravery, not her strength,_ and at the same time, _I don't want him to see her, to watch her and realize how special she is, what she could be._ He's still talking. _Stop talking!_

"You two sure took a long _walk_ after she was done. Funny, I didn't see you walk anyone else back to their dorms. I'm surprised you didn't try to jump her in those shadows you guys were in for so long. I can't tell for certain, after all, you could've been sneaking in kisses or romantic whatnot, but I didn't hear any tell-tale sucking or squelching noise that meant you two were sucking face." He's laughing so hard now.

"Pity she's so Stiff. You probably won't be able to get into her pants for a long time. Mores the pity that you had your chance to get the girl and you didn't attempt anything. What kind of man are you?" _An honourable one_. And... now I've got those images in my head, the ones that Eric wants there. Not that they're bad, but it's to be understood that they're _very distracting. _And distracted is what Eric wants.

Now Eric seems to had revelation. "Oh, but I've forgotten you were a Stiff, too! What kind of man are you? None! A_ Stiff boy_! That's why you just answered questions and stared all lovey dovey into her eyes at her door. Some misguided attempt of helping the poor girl. You think you'll walk the girl home and she'll kiss you goodnight?" _I'm surprised he's not rolling on the floor by now_, I think dryly.

Once Eric recovers he isn't so loud anymore, more composed. Now his smile is lean, like a panther before it strikes. "Who knows," he starts slowly. "Somebody else might slip in a get her before you. Someone has their needs straight rather than someone who gets off on helping her _walk_. Maybe if I looked from your perspective I'd be able to look past her practically being a infant," He sneers.

"Surely she couldn't resist a _leader_, pity you turned that down, though, huh?" My fingers clench, and my eyes are squeezed closed. My mouth hurts from my gritted teeth and where I'd bitten my tongue. Eric is by me now, going for the kill. "I bet I could make her feel better than you could."

And that's suddenly enough. I'm not sure which thoughts are thoughts and which I'm shouting, but I know that my hands are in fists and we're fighting. I know that I'm at least yelling at him to stay away from her, the predator. The _creep_, but yet, so much _more_ than a creep. I want to hurt him.

My fists make satisfying thunks. I hope he's bruised up tomorrow. But I'm fighting angry, leaving my guard down, and tonight I'll be sleeping in sore skin. I don't care now, though. We're almost evenly matched, and all my frustrated energy is going into this match.

"She's innocent, you rat! She wouldn't even know to protect herself from you! You...!" I should stop yelling, but I don't want to. "_Bastard_!"

You think you'd be any better," He grunts. "Does she know to run away from you too, before you get her?" He laughs, enjoying this, and takes advantage to pin me down. "I won't tell anyone, you know?" He taunts. It still gets my attention the way it shouldn't, after all we're fighting. _But if he won't tell anyone else to watch her..._

"I can keep it to myself and watch you fail to catch one small girl. It'd be funny. If you hurt me... Well, then I'll be forced to tell them about this scuffle, maybe watch the videos of this, hear what I've said. You know I'm supposed to be monitoring now, so no one'll see this- unless you force my hand. Maybe I'd show them the evidence of your infatuation, too, you know- _If I had to_. You don't want that, not at all." He grins.

"What do you say, Four? Wanna have me keep your secret in exchange for some... entertainment." _It's so terrible_, and yet, _if it works_... I go limp.

Eric takes his hand off the throat and reaches out to help me up. Instead I punch him. All he does is chuckle. _Chuckle_! He's... a sadistic creep! Ugh. I get up on my own.

Now that I'm up I'm still thinking. This is the best way, but _Ugh_! I observe Eric's face. None of my good strikes got him there, in the morning, no one will suspect this happened. He's right. He can get away with this, and all I need to do to keep her safe for now is gamble on her safety... _Oh, this is so wrong_.

"I'll take that as an agreement, Four." Eric saunters out, cackling. "Now my eyes will definitely be focused on you two love birds."

I slam the door and bury my head in my hands. What have I done?

**Update number two on my spree! This one isn't in the books, but it's logical, and come on, I can't _just_ do scenes from the book. This is his pov after all. SO we see Max being the leader, Eric being a creep, and Four has some flaws, he's human. This scene'll pop up again later, but I don't remember when- definitely not in the next few chapter, but maybe soon? To be honest, I'm just being lazy and not checking. Just know it's importantish.**


	17. Drunk

16. **(The iconic Divergent) **Drunk **(Scene)**

"Is that Four!" I cringed. "Yes it isss, it isss! Getchur tush over here!" I turned, and was met by the image of a lanky, curly-haired girl.

"Shauna, please, keep your voice down." She stumbled over, red-faced. I noticed the flask in her hand when she tried to hug me. She ended up hugging my arm, then trying to pull me over to her group.

"Pwetty pwease?" I frowned.

"No, this isn't funny. Shauna, please, I'm just trying to run some errands."  
"Not likely!" She was hopping up and down, right at my ear. The amplified sound made me cringe.

"Please stop yelling," I pleaded.

"Nopity nope-nope nope nope-nope!" She was practically singing. "Come have a _drink_, mister uptight-stick-up-my-butt!"

"Please, please, stop yelling." I tried to pry her off my arm but she doesn't seem to care that a) I want her off, b) she doesn't care that she's crushing me, and c) I don't want to watch any of my friends trip off a ledge and fall down the chasm, much less myself.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she would make me do this even if she wasn't drunk. Same goes with her lack of concern for my well being. I go with her simply to shut her up.

I should've know that it wouldn't work. It takes approximately six minutes before everyone there is completely totalled and trying to get me to follow in suit.

Ralph offers me a bottle. I take a swig just to appease them.

"Soooooo..." Lauren giggles, "How's it going with you and little miss blondie?" She starts to chortle, something I'd never seen her do. "And I do mean _little_."

"What are you talking about?" I feel as though my face can't get any redder.

Zeke wraps his arms around my neck, he's an affectionate drunk. He ruffles my hair. "You and the Stiff... I mean the tricks-somethin-or-other. No wait- Tris? Yeah thats it." Okay, I was wrong, my face _could_ get darker. Another swallow wouldn't hurt.

Actually, yes, it does burn quite a bit. Oh well, _might as well just get used to it._

Shauna giggles. "The one you watch every single meal? Oh, you're always so intense about that." She grips the railing and doubles over because she's just _tickled pink_, isn't she!

Ralph adds in, to my embarrassment. "He watches her when we're working, too. All those cameras to choose to watch and get this- the girl is in all of the ones he focuses on." He's exaggerating._ But only slightly, Four._

"Tris is my trainee. I'm just doing my duty."

"Too far dude, doing that duty far more than ya need to. And you know that you don't watch anyone else like that, no siree, not at all like that." I push Zeke's imitation kissy face away.

"I don't do anything like that for my initiates," Lauren hiccups. My bottle's empty. _Fooey_. I hold my hand out and when it comes back there's another half-drained bottle in it. Heh. Heh, heh. That's kinda funny.

"You don't need to, Lars." I'm laughing. "That obsession is limited to me." Another swig. It's bitter and burns, but the burn fades to warm glow everywhere. _Why don't I drink normally? "_What's it to you all if I've found something to hound?"

Zeke hoots appreciably, Ralph smacks me on the back. _Why was I so against telling them, again?_

I put my arms down, because everything's spinning, creating a balancing act. I stumble and miss the railing, _silly me_! I'm laughing, aren't I? Yes, yes I am!

They're talking, but do I need to listen? Nope. What I want to listen to is Will and Tris's conversation.

_Tris_? "Tris!" and then I'm in front of her close enough to touch. But I'm not allowed to touch. So that other boy shouldn't be able to, he was right to back up.

She looks hot. "You look different." _Delectable. Just one touch_. No, still not okay.

"So do you." _What were we saying?_ "What are you doing?" _Ah, I can answer that one!_

"Flirting with death," I laugh. _F__lirting with you. Do you mind?_ "Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea." _But who cares about good ideas when I've got _so_ many bad ones right now._

"No it isn't." She looks me up and down. I like it. She doesn't, she frowns. _I still want to hold her face in my hands, trail down over her collar, and her... tattoos?_

"Didn't know you had a tattoo." I sip at the bottle. _Oh look, it's still in my hands_. "Right. The crows." I nod knowingly and turn to ask Shauna something, but she's so far away. _Hm, weren't they just right next to me?_ "I'd ask you to hang out with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way," I whisper in her ear. _Or is her ear farther away?_

"What way, drunk?" _I'm not. Wait am I. Yeah, I'm drunk, completely smashed. Nice impression on her, me. _I giggle.

"Yeah," _actually_, "Well, no." _There are worse impressions._ "Real, I guess."

"I'll pretend I didn't." _So thoughtful, my girl is._

"Nice of you." I lean forward until I'm touching, but not in all the ways I want. Just my lips to her ear. I have the urge to bite her, _but why would I do that?_ How does she manage to take everything primal out of me and still keep me calm?

"You look good, Tris." I try to look her in the eye but my eyes slip all over. Not that I didn't see anything before, but _yum. _I said nothing but the truth.

She laughs. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?"

"Of course." _Anything for you._ I wink and she smiles. _Good signs. _The other boy clears his throat, and so I turn around and walk back.

I check out Shauna from behind as I walk back, 'cause she used to be the image- _but not the personality-_ of my dream girl. Her hair is long and dark and slightly wavy, and she is tall and curvy herself, and yet it doesn't make me feel the same as before. She pretty, sure, but now my tastes have changed.

Instead of having someone to be level with, now I find the image of bending down and gathering my girl in my arms from above exciting. Instead of a tongue piercing and tattoos of chains and eyes and roses, I'd rather run my fingers along tiny birds, and find out what that hint of a tattoo I saw on her shoulder is.

Suddenly the prospect of gathering straw-like blond hair in my hands sounds so much better than smooth chestnut or any of it's red highlights.

It's enough to make me shiver. I'm in a haze, I don't hear the taunts and I go to bed after the goodbyes. _I listened, see I'm not the chasm._ In my strange thoughts I could imagine her congratulating me on listening.

My dreams are full of straw-colored hair, gathered in my hands.

**Okay, here we have the third update. When I wrote this I got something wrong, Shauna is actually blond too. I just pictured her with chestnut brown hair. And I'm also sorry it's so short. This is such a well-known Divergent scene, I feel this isn't enough- and yet this is what fits in my head! I'm just going to chalk it up to Tobias's addled and one(Tris)-tracked brain slowing and speeding up accordingly. (Does that actually happen? I've never drank alcohol before.)**

******This is where I leave you again. I'll keep writing, but don't expect updates anytime soon. I've still got my usual limitations (plus school now). How about instead of finishing the whole thing then putting it up, I'll put chapters up in sets of threes? It worked well enough for me, but review and tell me if I should do it differently. **


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